Jokes
Honest politician and generous lawyer
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up? Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!
Christmas letter
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual,"And what would you like for Christmas ?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute,then gasped: "Didn't you get my letter?"
Secret Service
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
Pastor said, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
My friend said, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at
Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the Secret Service."
A son-in-law
The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised when a young lady about twenty years old walked up and sat on his lap. Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, "What do you want for Christmas?"
"Something for my mother," said the young lady.
"Something for your mother? Well, that's very thoughtful of you,'' smiled Santa. "What do you want me to bring her? " Without blinking she replied, "A son-in-law!"
Early shopping
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no crime," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened," answered the prisoner.